The Elderly Ninjas in Search of Sir Stuff-a Lot

A short story by my daughter and I for her English class extra credit... beware, it's goofy lol

“Sherman, what are we going to do today??”

“Same thing we do every day Mabel. Eat our mush, watch ‘I Love Lucy’ reruns, and go to sleep at three in the afternoon.” Sherman sighed. He was tired of the nursing home.

Sherman and Mabel had the same routine that they have had for the last seven years. Sherman was eighty-six years old and longed for the excitement of his youth. Mabel, at the young age of eighty-two, was happy with her place in the home. She liked her mush! She also had her teddy, who she had loved since she was six, Sir Stuff-a-lot. She would never be along because of her faithful companion.

Half way through ‘I Love Lucy’, Mabel announced that she needed to lay down early for her nap; Gumming all that mush took a lot of energy. A few minutes after she left, the group heard a loud scream from her room. They ran to see what the matter was. *ten minutes later* They arrive with their walkers.

“Mabel! Good heavens! What’s wrong??” asked Sherman.

“Sir Stuff-a-lot! He’s…. He’s…” Mabel stuttered through tears. She handed Sherman a note with the letter S.A.X written in fancy letters on the front.

Sherman read:

Dearest Mabel,

I’m sorry to inform you, but we have taken Sir Stuff-a-lot.

You will never see your bear again.

Sincerely,

S.A.X

(Stuffed Animal X-terminators)

The nurse came in then and Mabel cried to her that someone had taken her bear. The nurse told her to go back to sleep, she was sure Mabel had just misplaced the bear and that he would turn up eventually.

Sherman stayed with Mabel until everyone else was taking their nap. Even Sherman had started to doze off. He felt a tug on his sleeve. It was Mabel.

“I need to find my teddy. You know how much he means to me, Shermmy.”

“We can sneak out now if we hurry.”

“Oh thank you!” Mabel said, as fresh tears started rolling down her face.

“Don’t worry, we’ll catch those young whipper snappers!”

Sherman and Mabel slipped out of the home while the guards were playing gold fish with the patients’ medical cards. They heard one of the guards ask, “Do you have a Blood Type of AB?” Out behind the home, there were woods. Woods farther than the eye could see. They decided to start there. What better place for the S.A.X.’s evil secret hideout!

After walking for an hour, the two were becoming very tired. They decided to sit on a fallen log and rest a few minutes. Through the trees, Mabel spotted a cabin with smoke coming out of its chimney. “What’s that?” she pointed.

“Hmm,” Sherman said, “Let’s check it out.”

They knock at the cabin door, but no one answered. Sherman knocked again and the door slowly swung open. The glanced at each other. Sherman pushed the door further open, and they stepped inside.

They glanced around at the rustic atmosphere of the cabin, but no one was in sight. Mabel sat down on the sofa and put her head back. She was exhausted. Sherman sat down beside her and within minutes, they were both fast asleep. Afterall, it was already 5:45pm.

Mabel woke up to the smell bacon. She tried to nudge Sherman awake, but found that her arms were tied. She looked behind her to see that Sherman was in a chair also, with his arms tied behind his back.

“What’s going on?!” Mabel shouted.

“Oh, you’re awake!” came a voice from the kitchen.

A little man, about 3 feet tall walked into the living room from the kitchen. He was squat with curly red hair. He reminded Mabel of a leprechaun.

(in an Irish tone) “Good day, Lassie! “

Mabel stared in shock, and started trying to wake Sherman again, who finally awoke with a start. “Wha! I didn’t eat your mush!!” Sherman yelled. The leprechaun laughed.

“Well hello to you too! I be Polo, and I’ll let you go, if ye promise to behave.”

“That didn’t rhyme.” Mabel said.

Polo just continued to stare at the pair. He started to walk away mumbling, “Fine! I’ll just go back to me bacon…”

“No! No! Come back! We’ll behave!” Mabel shouted at him.

The trio had a nice dinner of bacon and toast. It was a little hard for Sherman to chew, but Mabel was nice enough to lend him her teeth. They told their story to Polo, who was oddly quiet until the end.

“Well, you two will have your work cut out for ya. I’ve heard of this group S.A.X. and the head boss is difficult to beat. He has weakness, but I can’t tell you what it is. I left it in me pot of gold.”

Sherman perked, “You have a pot of gold?!”

“Well, no! Otherwise, I’d give you the note I have with his weakness written on it! Try to keep up, lad.”

Mabel started crying again. “I’ll never find my Sir Stuff- a –lot! And even if I do, how will I ever get him back?!”

“Well, now, I din’ say there wasn’t a way! There still be some magic left in these ol’ bones.” Polo crawled off his chair at the kitchen table and went to the stove. He grabbed the blackened pan that he had fried his bacon in. Pulling his chair up to his sink, he put the pan in the sink and started cleaning it. When he was finished, he climbed back down, grabbed a towel and dried the pan. Smiling a bright smile he showed Sherman and Mabel the glinting pan, and then, faster than the two could see, he hit them over the head with the pan!

****

When they awoke, the house was strangely quiet, the smell of bacon gone, and cobwebs blowing gently in the corners from the long ago broken out window. The cabin looked as though it had been abandoned for decades. “What happened?” Sherman asked.

“I don’t know”, said Mabel. She started to sit up, slowly, because her back usually gave her trouble. She noticed right away though, that she felt fine. Better than fine! She felt like she was in her twenties again! “Sherman! I feel like—“

“A kid again? I was just thinking the same thing!” Sherman laughed as he started to jump up and down. “What did that crazy leprechaun do to us?!”

Mabel noticed that on the couch was a neatly folded pile of clothes with a small piece of paper pinned to the top. The paper had their names on it and the words “Good Luck” written in messy letters. She held up one of the outfits to find that it was a ninja costume! “Oh, this is ridiculous, I’m not wearing this!” She looked over to Sherman for his opinion, to see that he was already trying to put his own outfit on while doing an Irish dance in the corner of the room. Mabel just shook her head, laughed and quickly slipped into her ninja outfit.

Outside the cabin, the woods were eerily quiet. Not a bird chirped or a leaf rustled. They tested their new powers by jumping, kicking and blocking. After Mabel accidently kicked a tree behind the cabin, which sent it falling to the ground, they decided to quickly move along.

The trees grew taller and leafier the farther into the woods they went. They almost walked into a large building before they even saw it. “This has got to be it! The evil secret hideout of S.A.X.!” Mabel whispered with excitement.

“How do you know?” asked Sherman.

“Because, we’re in a short story, and if we have to look longer, then it’s no longer a short story. Geez, Polo is right, you are slow.”

The two elderly ninjas made their way around to the back of the building where there was a small, narrow door. Like the ninja’s they were, they quickly and quietly slipped through.

Inside, there was a huge room, filled with boxes and boxes of stuffed animals. Elephants, giraffes, chickens, cheetahs, and teddy bears stacked from floor to ceiling. Mabel rushed in and started pulling boxes open, trying to locate Sir Stuff-a-lot. “Look for a teddy bear!” Mabel said vigorously.

“Do you know how many teddy bears are here Mabel?” He questioned.

“Okay smarty-pants; look for one with a fuzzy caterpillar mustache.” She said briefly.

Suddenly, they heard a booming voice. “Looking for…. THIS?!” They spun around and saw a huge thin man with straight, long black hair. He was holding up Sir Stuff-a- Lot by the leg.

“Why are you doing this?” Mabel yelled.

“Because I’m evil, and this is what evil people do!”

Mabel screamed and blacked out.

When she came to, she was again tied to a chair. “What’s with the chair thing? Does no one else know how to hold someone prisoner?” She looked around and saw Sherman standing about five feet away. He was still free. “What? How come you’re not tied up?” She asked.

“Well, you see… about that…” Sherman stuttered.

“Because he’s one of us!” The man with the big voice laughed.

“Since when are you on their side?!” Mabel screamed!

“Well, when you were blacked out, the big guy said ‘Come to the dark, we have cookies.’ And really, how could I refuse cookies??”

“Cookies? What kind? I might join you too.” Mabel asked, thinking she had a plan.

“Monster cookies of course, they even had the big M&M’s in them!” Sherman giggled.

“Well, I can see why then. No one can resist the lure of cookies like those. Can I join you too?” Mable asked.

The big boss laughed in his deep voice and told Sherman to untie her. “Looks like another volunteer to do my bidding!”

When Mabel was untied, she struck. She grabbed a stuffed unicorn by the horn and jumped at the boss. He easily stepped away from attack and laughed again. “You cannot beat me! For I am Marco, leader of S.A.X.!”

Mabel took off running, bumping into boxes along the way. Her ninja powers started to fade. One of the boxes seemed as though it had something really hard in it. She grabbed the box and ripped it open. Polo’s Pot of Gold! She dumped the gold out and grabbed the piece of paper as it fell. The paper said “Who’s yo daddy??”

“Polo?! What in the world…”

“What did you say?!” Marco boomed, stopping his pursuit suddenly.

Mabel looked at Marco and noticed the sudden change. She screamed, “POOOOOOOOOOLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

“AHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!” Marco screamed. It was so loud, the windows all shattered. She ran to Sherman who was still in the corner, eating his cookies.

Marco started crying at the name of his long lost brother. “How?! When?!”

Mabel walked bravely up to Marco, grabbed Sir Stuff-a-lot and smacked Marco on the hand! “NO NO!” With a loud POP! Polo was suddenly standing with the group.

“Did someone say me name?” He looked around and his eyes landed on Marco.

“MARCO!!”

“POLO!!!!”

With the brothers united, and Marco promising to end his evil ways, Mabel grabbed Sherman by the hand and ninja jumped through the trees with what was left of her ninja powers. She laid Sherman, who was fast asleep, in his bed, and covered him up. She then snuck quietly back to her room.

The next morning, she met Sherman in the dining hall. “You will never believe the dream I had last night!” Sherman told her.

“Really?" asked Mabel. "What was it about?”

A nurse walked over to show them to their seats, and she noticed Mabel was holding tightly to her beloved teddy bear. “Aw see? I told you that you had just misplaced it!”

Sherman turned slowly towards Mabel with his mouth hanging open in shock.

Mabel put her finger in front of her smiling lips, shushed him, and winked.

Wait!!!! what was I talking about again???

BOOM! Two blogs in one month!!! How ya like THAT! hahhaha!

Hmm.. might've been last month.. whatever. I'm blogging! What more do you want from me! (Beware: this could be a long one...)

So I got some MAJOR news the other day! I got accepted to Iowa State University! YAY ME! I was so far past the deadline that I was sure they were going to either deny my request for admissions or tell me I would have to wait until the spring semester to start, but I must have made a good impression during my interview in the History department because they shoved my application in and I start this fall. Which is a huge relief because I tell ya, if I had to sit around this house any longer than the summer break, then I was going to have to... well, do something drastic.

On that note, my summer break is not going exactly as I planned. I was hoping for a nice relaxing summer vacation: sleeping in, staying up late, plowing through my summer reading list, etc, etc. Apparently, not so much.

To start with, my dad INSISTED that my kids take swimming lessons this summer. They've never taken the classes before simply because my kids HATE getting in the water. Ok, well, not so much hate it, but more like they don't like getting their heads wet or getting in water any deeper than their chest. But of course, dad being dad, I let him talk me into it. I know that it's good for them to know how to swim and that once they learn it they will be safer in the water and have more fun. But still, I hate seeing my kids frustrated. I don't want them to always take the easy way in life and I know it's good for them to work on things that are difficult for them, but ya... mom in me says ugh. So, anyway, I realized after the second lesson that my kids were NOT fish in a previous life! Poor Erin was the oldest and tallest in her group (thankfully her and Logan were placed in the same group). Big deal you say? Ya... the next oldest was Logan then the next was a 6 year old. Erin is 11. ughhhhh. By the end of the 2 week course, Logan, who started having fun about half way through, got close to moving up a level. He really only had trouble with pushing off the wall under water. Erin... geesh. She barely passed anything. I feel so bad for her. I know it was because she was annoyed at being put with the younger kids, but if she doesn't face this fear, she will never move on. God willing....

Next on my list of my Spectacular Summer Party Poopers: my neighbors are on vacation for 2 weeks. YES, it's a big deal, because they have two dogs, "affectionately" called 'Yip' and 'Yap' by my parents. I'm not too sure what kind of dogs they are, but they are small and a handful at the same time. Cute though, I'll give them that. The girl is a bit bigger and she doesn't let the boy dog forget it. They fight constantly! Not like bite-your-head-off kind of fighting, more like Hey!-I'm-bigger -and-going-to-jump-on-you kind of fighting. The boy dog is adorable. But I think the thing needs therapy or something. He has an affliction with walking in circles. He's not chasing his tail... just.... mhmm... walking. Wierdo. Anywho, I have to wake up early to feed them and put them outside and stuff. I'm making 80 bucks for 10 days of puppy sitting, so I shouldn't complain. But still! 8am on vacation is too early!!

Speaking of vacation. I went on a wee lil road trip to eastern Iowa last weekend. It was a ball! I went on a river boat ride, saw an IMAX film, spent the day at a museum and ate some DELISH foods. I spent way more than I intended, but I don't care, it was fun! The museum that I went to was having a Titanic exhibit. When you walked through the entrance, they gave you a card that had a passenger name, occupation, class blah blah, then at the end of the exhibit, you checked the list of names to see if you survived or not. I'm surprised I wasn't escorted from the museum when I exclaimed rather loudly at the end that I survived and my "travel companion" did not.... and then proceeded to taunt him for the next half hour :D hehe. We then walked through an ancient Egypt exhibit and an ancient Asia one. They were both rather cool! Being the History junkie that I am and my cohort being one as well, we spent the better part of 5 hours in there where it should have only taken about 2 hours to go through the whole place! Oh well, we enjoyed ourselves ;)

So, there's a recap on how life is as of now. I shall get on to the part now that you mass multitude (three) of readers are here to read about!

My Random Thought Process of the Day!!

I actually wrote this one down today cause it was all over the freekin place! It took me an hour to backtrack to try to figure out where they hell it started!

I was reading this article about a razor that costs $100,000. For real! The blade is supposedly made from human made sapphires (for a gem of a shave *baaad a ching!*) and the handle is made from some weird material called iridium,"an extremely scarce and expensive metal that is so dense it could survive a drop into molten lava", in case you ever felt the need to stand by a volcano and shave. How silly is this thing! Being a glutton for punishment, I started to read the comments. BRING ON the Lord of the Ring innuendos!

I loved that movie... when it first came out. I should watch it again.

>.>

Hobbits. Stinky, furry feet. A group of men traveling together with two small boy looking creatures...... Never mind. Way too creepy for me.

You wanna know what else is creepy? Anthony Wiener! Ok, first off, thank you SO much for making it so I can't type "wiener" into Google and get something good. hahha, omg, just joking about that. no for real!

O.O

But really, what was that guy thinking?! First off, to all you men out there: don't send that kind of stuff to chicks. Really, most of us just find it creepy. We don't want to watch you "thinking about us". *shivers* Secondly, I can't believe the dude lied about it. He was just making it "hard on" himself. Did he really think that he wasn't going to get caught?? I mean for real here... the economy is tanking, oil prices are atrocious, blah blah. He just gave the government fuel to take the attention off all the economical stuff going on and made us all focus on "crotch-gate". To make things worse (funnier), Bill Clinton actually reprimanded him! Why is he upset?? Because he stole his idea! *Sigh* I long for the good 'ol days when the only people that saw a government officials "little congressmen" were interns. Do I think he should retire? Who cares if he "pulls out"? Yes, I'm sure he will face some "stiff" charges.... ok, omg, I can't go on...

Which leads me to remember that Arnie Schwart-n-something just recently got into trouble as well! Can you imagine being his mistress? How many times could YOU stand him saying "I'm gonna pump.. YOU up!!" That's just nasty, I'm SOO sorry I went there! LOL

I feel kind of sorry for these women, you know, Tiger's wife, Arnie and Wiener's wife (I just giggle whenever I type his name.. I can't help it). Here they are, thrust into the spotlight because of their husbands' infidelity.

Then... SERIOUSLY... as I was thinking that, a commercial for (in)Fidelity Insurance came on the TV! NOT JOKING! *dumbstuck!* I was watching Hulu on my Xbox at the time...

And that's another thing!!!! I'm paying 8 bucks a month for Netflix and 8 for HuluPlus. I just started the Hulu sub to fill in the many holes that 'flix has now. I paid for Hulu AFTER I found out the bastards have commercials! WTF! I'm paying 8 bucks a month, I do NOT want to watch commercials!!! What makes it worse is 90% of them are for freekin Geico (see section entitled "Rhetorical Questions Campaign"). "Can you REALLY save 15% by switching to Geico? Do dogs chase cats? Would Foghorn Leghorn make a bad book narrator? Is the pen really mightier than the sword? Do people do dumb things with smart phones?" FFS! Enough already!!!!!! Go crawl under a rock with Rick!

I want a freekin smart phone. But not any smart phone.The cool ones in Japan and Korea. An LG Lollipop!!!! (Fast forward to the 2 minute mark) Those things look so cool! As of right now, I have a phone that calls and texts. No internet on it. It blows.

About this time, I missed half of the show I was watching and paused it to stop and think where the hell my attention and thoughts went off track. I was told by a teacher one time that if your mind wanders, you should always backtrack to the beginning and that way, you learn to focus better. It just gives me a headache. When she asked me why, I told her a thought process of mine.

It took the whole hour class...

Love to all!!!

An Emotional End To A New Beginning!

Okay, so before anyone gets in a tiff, yes, I acknowledge that it's been an eternity since my last blog. In my defense, I have thought to myself many times that I need to get in here and write SOMETHING. But, as Bob Marley once said," The good times of today are the sad thoughts of tomorrow." Or was it something about the good thoughts of today are... the...um... whatever it was, I'm sure it was inspirational.

Now, in the past for this particular blog, I wrote about how my classes were going and complain about them.I kiiiiinnnddaaa soooorrrttaaa missed all last semester, so I'll take a quick minute to fill ya in.

So, last semester was my final semester at that school. Which, explains why I wasn't able to find the time to blog. Most other semesters I only took 4 classes. This was to keep my work load down so I could have time between classes to study and to relax, play with the kids, and do other things that i will spare the details on. My last semester though, I took 6 classes so I could get it done and finish on time. My class load consisted of the following: African American History, Speech (again), Educational Psychology, Composition II, Human Biology and Human Bio Lab.

None of these classes individually were all too difficult. Af Am history was an 8am class and I think that that was by far the hardest class I had, but only because of the time factor. God I hate mornings. I ended up retaking Speech because I admittedly didn't get a good grade the first time around. I did make a new friend in that class and we helped each other out a lot so it's all good :) Ed Psych was a great class. At first I was a bit concerned that the class wasn't well structured and I felt as though I was missing something. But, towards the end of the semester, things really all came together and made sense. As an added bonus, the teacher was incredibly awesome and I consider her a friend now. Comp II was just odd. I did a crap load of research for papers, hours upon hours of typing, editing, retyping, reediting, retyping... and after all that, I can't really tell you what I learned or what I got out of it. Oh wait! yes I can! 3 credits and a 400 extra bucks on my student loads. :/

Human Biology on the other hand is totally worth blogging about. The teacher? Annoying with a weird-ass sense of humor. Classmates? Mostly ok, except for this one girl who was just plain annoying and guess who she clung to? mhmm.... We did everything from studying bones, examining slides and dissecting animals. Yes, that's right, I dissected an animal. Ok, well, my lab partner did as I sat there and squealed like a girl and tried my hardest not to vomit all over the table. I'm rather ashamed, I thought I was stronger than that. But, alas, apparently ripping apart an animal is not my cup of tea. Whooda thunk it?!

So there's a quick recap of the final semester. Not too shabby. I got all signed up for graduation and was proud as punch that I finally accomplished something! Graduation invites went out, a Facebook page was made, garage cleaned out and plans for a party made. Then my wonderful luck kicked in. Three days prior to the big day..... no wait, I'll go back a bit further. About a year and a half ago, I broke a tooth. It was a baby tooth that I still had, so it didn't have a nerve in it anymore and it didn't hurt at all. So of course, being me, I ignored it in lieu of spending 2000 bucks to get it fixed. Fast forward to present day. Back to three days before graduation. My tooth got a twinge. I thought, ah, no biggie. A little Tylenol and I'll be fine. Two days before, It started to hurt like mad. I thought, no problem! Little more Tylenol and I can made it through graduation and my party. By the time I woke up the day before graduation, I was in tears. The pain was so intense I started throwing up. I called my dentist and he was able to get me in within minutes of my phone call. He ended up shooting me up with Novocaine in 8 different places before the pain went away and I could no longer feel the throbbing. He then proceeded to bust my tooth into three pieces to get it out. You'll feel better now he says... as he hands me a prescription for pain pills. Let me tell you something. NO amount of pain pills will help take the pain away from having a tooth busted into three pieces and then PRIED from your mouth. So alas, I missed my graduation ceremony and my party. :( Will it be rescheduled? Everyone here at home insists that it will be, but somehow, I seriously doubt it. *sigh*

I was rather depressed for a few days afterward, and to a point I still am. But life goes on right? YES! As a matter of fact it does! lol! I recently put in my application to Iowa State University and was told that I have a pretty good chance of being admitted into the History/Education program. I realize that this is going to be one of the biggest challenges of my life to date, but I feel I am ready to take it on! Since I already took a lot of my education classes and history classes that are transferable to ISU, I'll be entering as a Junior. That means only 2 years, 1 and a half if I'm lucky, until I graduate with a BA in History with a teachers certificate, with endorsements on World history and political science! Go me!

Backtracking a bit, and the whole reason I felt compelled to write tonight, something happened to me today that I had to share and didn't think I could express my joy in a single Facebook status message. This day will go down in the history books for me. I have marked it on my calender to refer to for the rest of my life. I have *insert another cheesy cliche here*. I got my diploma in the mail today. See, at graduation time, the final grades haven't been released yet, so when you walk across the stage, they just give you a blank piece of rolled up paper. Bastards. Then when they make sure you passed, they mail you your real diploma. I admit, when I opened it, I got a bit teary. I proudly showed it off to everyone that I came in contact with and they all said it was awesome and good job and what not. Happy Day! BUT.. here comes the important part. When my dad got home, I showed him. He smiled, said it was cool... then he pulled me close and hugged me and told me he was proud of me. Ok, I'm crying now... again. That single moment and those 4 words me muttered made the 8am classes, the test anxiety, the sleepless nights and the hours upon hours of research and putting up with a few sucky teachers.....totally....and.... completely...worth... it... ALL.

I could go on now about the kids and how their doing, but I think I'll save all that for another blog, which I promise (this time for real) will come sooner. For now, I had to get that last moment out there and share my good news with everyone!

Love to all!!

(p.s. I swear one of these days a blog will actually come at midnight. Well, it's midnight somewhere in the world right??? )

*check one... two... check check....pfft pfft pfft is this thing on?? One... two... check.. check... A-B-C-D-E-F-G-I.. IIIIIII got a galllllll in Kalmazoo....*

Ok, it's working :D LOL! Yay Me!

Oh what a long summer! Days spent with the runts nagging me to do this and nagging me to do that... I'm almost thankful that school has started again.. for all of us!

Well, another semester has started. I might have bit off a little more than I can chew, but I seem to be holding my own for now, so let's hope I can keep my head above water the next few months.

My first class is Developmental Psychology. The study of how people get old. Oh boy, do I have the marked covered on that one or what?! LOL! The teacher informed us on the first day of class that we all had to chose a partner and sign up for a presentation date. My partner, the only person I knew in the class (thank god she's awesome) signed us up for the chapter 4 presentation. That was like... 3 weeks into the semester and gave us only 2 weeks to prepare. So, naturally, we waited till the last minute to do it! It wasn't so bad though. We did it on childrens social and emotional development. It went pretty well! Then again, I added a picture of a baby duct tapped to the wall and a picture of Gary Coleman (which oddly enough, kept popping up in Google searches for childcare *shivers*), so really, ya can't go wrong with that! LOL The next week, the couple that did their presentation had a video with Kenny from South Park, Stewie from Family Guy and Michael Jackson. It was AWESOME... and I'll get them for it some day!!!

The next class I'm dying in is History since 1877. It's actually a rather entertaining class due to the teacher being a total crack up, but it's one night a week, from 6 to 10pm in a town 15 miles from here. The distance and the nights I don't mind, but omg... 4 hours of history? In one shot? Good heavens, someone stick a fork in me I'm done.

Ok, this next class... *sigh and get a determined look on my face*. The class isn't bad. It's to remain nameless cause the teacher is... omg... wow. Not ONCE,since the beginning of the semester, has he welcomed me to class. Now, he's welcomed my BOOBS to class every single time, but not me. For the love of God! Do guys not realize that we KNOW when they are looking at our knockers? I mean, really?! And it's not ever a fast "Omg-can't-stop-looking-but-I-must" look. Oh hewl no. It's more like a"OMG! NOM-NOM-I-WANNA-BOX-THOSE-THINGS-LIKE-SUGAR-RAY-LEONARD-HOLY-CRAP-I-WANT-THOSE-LIKE-A-FAT-KID-WANTS-CAKE-COME-TO-DADDY-BABY-AND-LET-ME-KNEED-THOSE-THINGS-LIKE-A-400-POUND-BAKER-LADY-WHO'S-PISSED-OFF-AT-HER-HUSBAND" kinda stare. *deep breath* I made the mistake of mentioning this on my Facebook page. I got many helpful responses about how to handle it. "Flaunt it" was the most popular one and hope my girlies (affectionately nicknamed "Fuji" and "Kilimanjaro")will get me an A in class. With my luck, they'll prolly get me a DD :/

The last class I'm taking was a recent add on. I started off taking a Composition class and it ended up being more like a marketing class! So totally not what I wanted so I dropped it. While I was sitting in the hall outside of Boob-man's class waiting for the class before us to end, my history teacher came up to me in a huff thinking he was late for his class, but realized he was 20 minutes early. lol. Well, he sat down next to me and asked me what I was up to. I had the class lists out trying to find a class that was still open and/or easy enough to join in on and catch up (my choices were library science or a nursing lab... erm... *shakes the magic 8 ball* outlook not good... no shit.) He mentioned that he still had room in his Western Civ class and that he would be more than happy to let me in and to get me caught up. I was a little (ok a lot) leery about it, I mean, really, who's ever heard anything good about west civ? He then proceeded to tell me the details... 8am, 4 days a week, hour class. My train of though is as follows:

..
....
um...
8am?
....
really?
Did he say 8am? AM?
........
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

shit...
....
he's serious?
....
no freekin way....

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

crap...
he is serious...

so... library science? That doesn't sound so bad...

SHIT!

Well, after my momentary shock, I tuned back in to realize he had stopped talking and was staring at me. In my total brilliance I said...... "Huh?" hahaha, omg,seriously, I'm awesome. He said not to worry, he stopped talking as soon as he noticed my eyes glaze over at the mention of 8am. But then he kept talking and it started to get a bit worse! Apparently, he got stuck with the class of morons. There were 10 people in the class: 7 baseball players, 2 volleyball players and a chick that never shows up. Oh wow, I can see this was going to be.... interesting. So after a minimal amount of begging on his behalf (I should have held out for something more of an incentive), I went down to the office and signed up for it. For the love of all things Holy!! I'm thinking now that Library Sciences would have been a better choice! The teacher, being his normal, albeit puffy eyed, chipper self in the morning makes me wanna do very bad things to him. And NOT in a good way! LOL!

Last but not least on my listy poo of gripes... Erin started playing the viola for school. Now, I have to admit, I did talk her into it a teeny tiny bit... ok... I promised her a phone. Whatever. I must have been totally out of my mind or something. What was I thinking?!? "MOM! MOM! LISTEN TO THIS!!" *insert the sound of a cat getting his tail cut off and then all four paws stuck under a steam roller here* (*snicker!* Get it??) Grant it, I picked it up and tried it and wasn't much better, but still. Apparently, my brilliance was showing again on the day I made that decision.

Alrighty tighty. I think it's time to go lay in bed and pretend to sleep. You would think that being Saturday now I would be able to sleep in. HAHAHA! You apparently didn't read the above paragraph!


OOH!! I almost forgot about my random thought process of the day! Ok, here goes...

wait, I have to pee first...

Ok... so... I've become recently addicted to the History channel. I've always enjoyed history and documentaries and whatnot,but for some reason I can't seem to change the channel past this one anymore. I'll just state at it and enter into some kind of weird trance-like state.

It could be cause of this awesome show called American Pickers. Uber hotties from Iowa who go though old barns finding junk to resell.

But yanno, I find it rather interesting that most of the things they are showing on that station now all happened within my lifetime. :|

Train of thought over...

*Kalamazoo... zoo...zoo zoo zoo. *

*clicks off*

Love to All!!

I'M HERE! I'M HERE! DON'T CHANGE THAT STATION!!!!

Well.. that was an interesting title! LOL!

Ok, well, my mom and Michelle were complaining that I've not blogged in awhile again and I hate to disappoint my two fans (*chuckles* I know I have more than two, don't get your panties in a twist) so here I am with the latest ramblings.

About a month ago, we held an estate auction for my grampy and grandma's things. I never realized how difficult it would be. But really, the hardest part was the hour long drive home. I managed to keep the tears back until I hit the halfway point and then the last half hour, I drove through wet lashes. Seeing the things that they worked so hard for and things that grampy collected through the years being sold off to the highest bidder just didn't seem right. I realize that it all went to a good cause, but it was still one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I was lucky enough to get his old record player (for the hopeless minded... a record is like a REALLY big cd that they used in the "olden-days") and a huge box of his records. A good 90% of his records are big band and Christmas stuff, but he did have a few excellent jazz and classical pieces too and I find myself listening to them almost every night now. I'm sure the Christmas ones will be nice in a few months, but right now I can't fathom listening to The Allman Brothers singing Rudolph while it's so hot I just want to sprawl out nakie in front of the air conditioner... not that I would.. I can't afford that kind of therapy for my kids.. or cat...

Switching topics so fast it'll give you whiplash...

School is out for the summer and omg these two children of mine are driving me INSANE! The other day they invented a game called "Find the Alien". Sounds innocent enough.... until I started hearing smacking noises from their room. Apparently, Logan decided that Erin was the alien and he did this in the following conversation with her:

Logan: Are you an alien?

Erin: No!

Logan: THAT'S ALIEN SPEAK FOR YES! *SMACK!*

Me: *tisk and sigh*... (whispers: wtf)

Erin: OW!!!! MOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

Me: Logan, don't hit your sister, you two play nice. (If I had a penny for every time I have spoken this phrase since school has gotten out, we could pay off the gross national debt)

Erin: That hurt! Say you're sorry!

Logan: Sorry...

Erin: THAT'S ALIEN TALK!!!! *SMACK!*

Logan: WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

..

......

.................................... *stares at the ceiling and takes 5 deep breaths*

I have discovered Netflix finally. I must say that their selection of new movies for on demand watching is non-existent, BUT I have discovered the motherload of brit-coms and older shows I never thought I would have wanted to watch. For example, Angel. It was a spinoff show of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and although it's a tad bit corny in spots, it's a rather good show. So ya... just food for thought, if you can't reach me on Facebook, I'm most likely camped out in front of the big screen up to my eyeballs in 'flix. hehe

Ok.... Time you've all been waiting for...

"The way my mind works!"
(catchy title.. what cha think?)

So I was surfin this morning and came across an article about the Alps in Switzerland. WOW what a gorgeous country!! It's so close to my ancestral homeland of Germany that I've always kind of wanted to visit there as well. I'm always pretty broke though, so if I did get the chance to go, I would probably have to stay in a hostel or something. I don't know if I can do that. But if you stay in one, they say it's like you're really integrating yourself into the country. Do I really want to do that? I don't think I would look good in lederhosen or some Bavarian barmaids dress thing. *wrinkles muh nose*

So that pic got me to thinking of what travel destinations I would love to go to if I could. I came across this AWESOME castle that Disney used to model Cinderella's enchanted castle at their park. While reading that article, I came across a link that took me to an article about the opening to the new Harry Potter theme park thingy. You can actually walk through Hogsmead village! I then remembered my earlier thought about lederhosen and pictured Harry in a set and started to giggle so hard I had to click off the page.

When I clicked back to my homepage, it had a story about Obama. Funny, my spell check doesn't recognize Obama LOL! Anyway, so of course, what do I think of? You guessed it! Obama sporting a sexy pair of green and yellow lederhosen!! MMMM SCHMEXY! Well that sent me into a fit of laughter so hard I had to step away from the computer for a bit (ended up watching 'flix.. go figure). Then for like the next two hours, I was picturing everyone I saw wearing lederhosen and well ya.. the day was pretty much shot for me after that!

OK! So! We went from off the beaten track travel spots to Obama in lederhosen!! How's THAT for Entertainment! hahah!

Catch yall later!
Love to All!

(P.S. Notice the picture? The ppl wearing the lederhosen are from the brit-com "Are You Being Served?". *walks away snickering*)

Really?! I mean...... REALLY?!?!?

Aww Shoot! I missed midnight by an hour! No blog tonight! Sorry!

hehe... I keed I keed...

Wow! What a busy semester! I found myself taking the weirdest array of classes this semester and, I have to say, I'm so glad it's finals week and they are almost over!

I started out this semester with a history class. Now, I tell ya, I pegged this teacher as the proud recipient of the biggest douche bag of the century award winner, but he actually turned out to be really cool! It's pretty shocking seeing as I've never been wrong about anything ;) He took us on the epic journey from American Indians all the way to the Reconstruction after the Civil War, and not once did I ever feel as though I was sitting through a boring history lecture. Oh course, his wild rants about what's wrong in the world today and his constant reassurance to the volley ball players in the class that no one actually died in history, made the class a riot to go to every day. Kudos!

The next class I fell into was a Children's Lit class. I was actually looking forward to this one! Pfft. Fool. I love kids' books. I love reading my kids books. But there's just something about taking a beloved classic story and ANALYZING it to DEATH that completely takes the fun out of stories. Every single class period he would say, "Come on class, don't make me work so hard to get an answer out of you!" Well, good gravy, it's 10 in the morning and you want us to talk about what some Russel guy has to say about the sexist annotation about Alice in Wonderland, or to form an inquisitive question regarding Fairy Tales in Germany in the 1600's?? Uh... ok.... sure... I'll get right on that......

*stares at my notebook... if I can't see him, he can't see me!* >.>

Another class this semester, which, has to be the WORST class ever that I've had to take, and most likely will have to take again, is Math for early educators. I know two plus two... I know how to teach two plus two... WHY in the sam HELL does an art teacher that wants to teach k-4 art need to know Pagarian theorems, story problem relationships or Euler lines?! GAH! And that teacher hated me. This is not a theory... she made her dislike QUITE known! Gawd, I loathe the idea of sitting through that crap for another semester!

Ah, my last class of the semester! Thank GOD for my fall back teacher! LOL! So my Intro to Ed teacher taught one other class this semester. Study Strategies. I totally didn't really need the class. It didn't count towards anything except an elective credit. But thank god I signed up for it! Staring at that teacher for an hour twice a week was like heaven on earth!! LOL ( kidding kidding... in case he's reading this... *ggls* ) But no really, it was a good class and I did learn a few things that will help me study better. And bonus! I met someone in that class that I've not seen since high school! She's going back also after a long break and though we didn't really hang out in hs, we struck up a nice friendship now. Funny how things work out :)

So that's been my semester in a quick little nutshell. I've got finals this week and then I'm taking the WHOLE SUMMER OFF!!! YEOW!!! I need it, I tell ya. I'm so looking forward to doing some traveling with my hunny, taking the kids to the park and the pool and kicking them outta the house to go play at a friends house when they get too rambunctious lol

And now... my rambling thoughts for this post...


wow... I can't think of a single thing to go on about. Well, that's weird.
hold on... I'll get back to ya in a minute...

OH!!! OH OH OH!!! I KNOW!!

So! I was reading this article the other day on... get this... nude yoga! FOR REALZ! Now, I'm not talkin' about a bunch of middle aged bored house wives needing a little adventure and shake up in their weekly get together... i mean... gym workouts. No. i'm talking about a bunch of fat, hairy, middle aged MEN that think that with everyone in the yoga studio being nakie that they are all in unison. "We all share the same uniform, the human skin" or some crap like that.

Pardon me a second, I think I just threw up a little in muh mouf...

It kinda reminded me of nude beaches. Have you ever been to one of those? No one hot ever hangs out (pardon the pun) at a nude beach.It's always older people, mostly men, that walk around with their undersized tally wackers hanging out and their hands on their hips like they have something to be proud of. I tell ya, there's just no justice in the world today!

Speaking of no justice, did you see that thing about the 89 yr old woman that tried to shoot a burglar in her home? Ok, so the dude was like kicking down her door in an attempted robbery, so this old lady runs (I can't imagine an 89 yr old woman running.. jus sayin)and grabs her .22 cal gun, aims and fires. She missed, but it scared him away. Bless that woman! Still, I got a chuckle out of the story...

Ok, that's my short little ramble for this post. I see I've gone from nude yoga to an 89 yr old shooter, so I think I better stop there. Yes, it amazes me the way my mind works at times too...

Love to all!!

Just a lil ranting...

Shocking! I'm writing!

So much has happened in the last two months, my mind is still trying to catch up! Some things for the better, some... not so much. Since I'm one for ending on a good note, let's start with the not so much...

Well, I can't sing. That's the biggest upset of my life at the moment believe it or not. At first it was due to the fact that my home cpu went down. Talk... about... momentous! I've held this cpu together with bubble gum and wishful thinking for almost 8 years now. I've done as many upgrades as possible to her and done everything in my power to keep her going in tip top shape. Then... one fateful day... poof. Blue Screen Of Death!
I cried.
And yelled.
And then cried some more.
I still had my laptop to get school work done and surf n stuff... but no singing?! How was I to survive?! No Snap?!?! OMG!!! SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! NAOOOO!!
THANKFULLY... I got her up and going again. It took me almost 2 weeks, but she's purring along like a well fed kitten now. *sigh of r.e.l.i.e.f! *

So why is that not in the good new section then? Cause the day after I got my cpu going, I woke up with the most nasty virus. It seemed that everyone in town had gotten it at the same time. Schools were close to shutting down due to lack of teachers. The virus was kind enough to take my breath and lower my voice an octave or two. To make things worse, after I started feeling better, a frog took up permanent residence in my throat. I went to the dr and he said," Don't worry, your voice should be back to normal for singing in about a month and a half to two months... depending on how much you use your voice. Try not to talk to much."

Does anyone else see the problem with that??

Just as upsetting is the fact that Steph, my niece (or Nani for those that know her through me), isn't getting better. Recap in a nutshell: She started suffering headaches, they found a ....thing... in her brain that they removed and ever since then she can't walk, can't smell or taste, is losing her grip and has somewhat lost her short term memory. They've ruled out Huntington's, damage from the surgery and just about ever movement disorder there is. It kills me every time they poke her or prod her or tell her they don't know what's wrong with her. She's 18!! She's supposed to be healthy! She is brilliant and supposed to be in college wowing her professors and on her way to the Nobel Prize ( I'm not joking or exaggerating, seriously, this girl is brilliant) but instead, she's confined to her bed or a walker and all we can do is wait for the next Dr to raise his eyebrows at her and say" Hmm.. interesting". It's not fair. She deserves better than this.

School is also rather pissing me off. I can't wait till the end of this semester. Seriously, I've had ONE class this semester that I truly enjoyed. For that one class I wish this semester would never end. My Monday night Intro to Educations class has been the single most fantastic class that I have had since I started kindergarten. Yes, it even beats out recess! More about that in the "Likes" section though. Back to it pissin me off.
Now, I've been really well about keeping my temper lately, but three out of the four teachers this semester have been absolute nightmares. One of them is on a complete power trip. Her "My-Way-Or-The-Highway" attitude is almost enough to make me not want to show up for the class. Unfortunately, I need that credit. So I have to suffer through her prissiness EVERY SINGLE DAY! Another teacher can't stop "When I did my masters thesis in Morocco..." ways so much so that I just about screamed the other day. I'm not the only one annoyed by it. I have one friend in that class (someone I had in another class in an earlier semester, he doesn't know anyone else in the class but me) and we sit next to each other. He actually put his hand on my arm that day as if to remind me, "I know it's annoying, but there's only an hour left of class today, it'll be over soon and I'm sure she can't say it many more times." She did. 8 more times. *twitch, twitch* The last teacher, I'll just say one thing. If you have a student who was sick from your class and you tell them that you'll work with them to get things caught up... DO IT...don't just say it and them rip them a new one when they are one day late getting an assignment in. grr....

Ok, before I blow muh top, let's see the bright side of life.

Ahh... My Intro to Ed class! Let's start there! As per the previously mentioned 40 observation hours that were assigned to us, I'm in heaven! Instead of following the art teacher, I've been bouncing from classroom to classroom, ranging from 2nd grade to 4th grade. The 2nd graders are my favorite. They're so helpful, ready to learn, follow directions and are just overall great kids! I'm gonna miss them like crazy when the semester is over.

Another thing I'm gonna miss is having my Monday night Ed class in general. I swear my teacher is the most amazing man ever! I went into this class a little worried that I was wasting my time and money on something I wasn't sure I wanted to do. But he has shown me how wonderful it is to be a teacher. Also, he's easy to learn from, wonderful to talk to, intelligent, cares about his students and loves what he does. Never... ever... had I had a teacher like this. If every teacher I've ever had were like him, I can't even imagine what my life would be like today. He inspires me to want to learn more and to do my best, and for that, I'm eternally thankful to him.

As a surprise, I took my daughter to the Men's Basketball game last night. Now, we've watched games on the Tv and online before and she's enjoyed them, but this was the first time that she's ever seen one live. HAHA! It was awesome! She cheered for the team like she'd been following them for 40 years! She wanted so bad to stick around and see if she could get a picture with a few of the team members, but since it was already late, I insisted that we get going home. She was heartbroken and I felt so bad afterward. Luckily, the before mentioned fantastic teacher also happens to be the guy's asst coach, so I'm thinking of buying a tee shirt and asking him to get the guys to sign it and then give it to her for Christmas. I know she'll love it! I bet she's asked me a dozen times today when the next home game is. I already promised we would go lol.

I only have one other thing to mention before I bring this to a close. Something that doesn't really fit into the dislike or like column. On October 2nd, I lost my Grandpa. This is bad news obviously because he was loved by myself and the family and everyone that met him. He was a National Hero, having served in WWII and was a prisoner of war also. He was also the only grandfather I've had. He's lived a long hard life though, and for that I'm proud of him. He was strong in his faith, loved his family and his life. I'm sure he's in heaven now watching us all with a smile on his face... one that I will never forget. I'll miss him forever.

Ok, homework waits for noone, sadly enough. If anyone knows of where I can get about 6 extra hours into a day, I'd be glad to do a deal with ya!

Love to all!